I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize