Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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