Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
