I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
