This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
