Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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