didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
