a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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