I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
