whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
