: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
