The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
