When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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