so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
