If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Of course I have a pirate flag
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
