yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
