And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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