sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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