Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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