$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
