Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
