so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
