So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
