none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
