i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
