someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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