i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
