im about as happy as oj after his trial
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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