It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
