btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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