Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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