Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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