ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
