i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
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