spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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