can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
