the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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