Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize