hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
