I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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