At least make sure they are 18
Why
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I smell like Dick and happiness
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
