my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize