i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
