still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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