If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
