Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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