I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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