Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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