I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
