Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
