I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize