They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
