her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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