Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
