i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
