this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
