Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Houston, we have a blender
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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