Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize