I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
