i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
