not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
