RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
