Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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