I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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