we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
