Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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