He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
