And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
