That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
