I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
