Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
